I’m going to try my best to persuade you that today is not April Fool’s Day. You might recall that I’ve tried this before, and from my perspective things went well, so if past is prelude, this is going to go great. My new arguments? First, April Fool’s Day should occur in April but many people consider the current month to be huhtikuu. You may have been told that it’s April Fool’s Day but if that were so, you should expect that people are fooling you. In fact, people seem to shout “April Fool” immediately after doing something discrediting. Although The New York Times, The Washington Post, CNN, and MSNBC are reporting that today is April 1, 2017, these have all been declared to be fake news organizations by the President of the United States. Today is April Fool’s Day if this sentence is right – I’m sure we can agree on that! – but this sentence is not right because I assert that pigs are turquoise. April Fool’s Day probably happened on November 8, 2016 and it hasn’t been a year since then. Proponents disagree as to whether the day should belong to one or many fools (April Fool’s Day or April Fools’ Day), and while there’s ongoing controversy, celebrations should be deferred. April Fool’s Day is not a public holiday in any country so it can’t “be” April Fool’s Day in any official sense. Besides, the only kind of institution that would establish a holiday for hoaxes is not to be taken seriously. And given the overwhelming preponderance of non-hoaxes that have already occurred today, we should call it April Seriousness Day. Lastly, it can’t be April Fool’s Day because it’s actually International Edible Book Day. Today is the day when people eat books. And if you still think there’s truth in April Fool’s Day being today, perhaps you didn’t hear the news of truth’s passing? ■