I seem to be trying to start a tradition of refuting April Fools’ Day each year, so here is my current effort:
The assumption that today is April Fools’ Day is widespread, but so is influenza, and neither are good. In fact, April Fools’ Day was officially cancelled in 12 AD by Emperor Augustus after he was presented with a bronze bust of himself blowing an ancient Roman form of bubble gum. He declared “Stultorum infinitus est numerus,” a phrase he obtained by typing “Latin phrases about fools” into Google. Since that time, all celebrations of April Fools’ Day on the first of the month have been illegitimate, although in modern times, a little-known UN resolution A/RES/66/2938 revived the holiday and moved it to April 2nd.